An interview

OK. Had typed atleast a full-pager on my blues after listening to this song of Mukesh. Then I decided its not going to do any good and threw it out of the window. I picked up another topic instead, a self-invoked self-sustained interview of me, by me and for me. Something on the lines of Democrazy (well, the typo is intentional).

Current Crush
Music

Past Crush
Photography

Reason for the break-off with the past crush?
Spent enough time and money on her. We got very intimate at one point of time, but a long-term relationship with Photography doesn't seem to click.

Future Crush?
Waiting for her to descend from the sky, someone said her name's "Money"

How do you evaluate your relationship with the current crush?
Music has been a friend for a long time. I've tried advancing it to the next level but found myself unworthy of deserving more attention from her.

Spending time with her, listening to her makes me feel good. But I can't give her something in return. She's a miss-world and I'm a begger. Inspite of that, I consider it a God's gift to be able to appreciate the power of Music. It doesn't matter if you can't give something back, the relationship can keep going as long as you appreciate her and dwell in her surroundings.

Why do you anticipate a break-up in the current relationship?
I never said that I'm going to break-up with Music. Well, as long as you have the ability to bask in her glory and forget the travails of every-day life, you still love her. Though this relationship might end up being one-way all through, it's going to stay there till Music no longer helps me rejuvenate. Then its probably time to leave "crush"es to the wind and go in for a "long term relationship".

Then why did you name Money as your most likely crush down the line?
Life changes and priorities change. Certain aspects of life that used to infuse peace into my heart fail to continue to do so, as new thoughts come and take a seat. As someone said, thoughts play a "monkey-game" in your mind and that's exactly what's happening. But I hope this new thought is something for the better.

So you don't have strong reason?
Yes I do. I feel drained of energy at times looking at my current life, and I feel some Money can do a lot of good to it. So, my heart's pulling me towards this new attraction. L'et's see how I fair.

Is there something that you really hate?
One is smoking. The reason is not because its a bad habit. If someone smokes, let him smoke and die. If he's a friend, I'll try to disuade him from smoking. I can't do much beyond that. The problem is that they "trudge" on to the private space of people around them. It is a gross violation of the right of the neighbour's right to breathe. A violation grossy enough to "strangle" the violator to death.

Another aspect is one's indifference to little things that cause an inconvenience to others. One example is being late or making someone wait beyond the appointed time. Let me tell you. If someone does this to me, it hurts! Another exaple is parking a bike such that it becomes impossible for someone else to take his bike out. This "don't care" attitude is what I hate.

What do you like in other people?
Probably honesty comes first. I like people who speak out and speak the truth. When I ask someone for an advice, I'll like it a lot if the advice is unbiased. I know people around whose opinions are based. They are framed to be advantageous for the advisor and not to the seeker. I like it when people appreciate something good even if he internally turns green with envy.

I like people who sing well.

I like people who have a good sense of humor. Little jokes, however stinky they are, makes this world a better place to live in. You should also have the temperament to appreciate them.

What do you find lacking in your life?
I seem to be a "dabbler". I go about exploring every interesting aspect of life with the determination of an archer. Once I get somewhere within the vicinity of getting close, I loose all interest and start to wander. The interesting aspects all seem to come under the head of hobbies or "non mission-critical" - like painting, photography, music, reading etc. "Mission-critical" aspects don't seem to be attractive. By that I mean that the interest on what I do for a living it ebbing.

I lack a "vision". When I ask people how they deal with it, they say that its the same with them too and is actually "not a problem". I have no freaking idea what I want to settle in. I'll probably spend a major part of my life contributing to somethig, and I just don't know what it is, I'm right now floating on the stream of life, going with the wind and the waves. There's absolutely no sense of direction.

Well, I seem to be getting back into the blues and should be stopping aound here. Moreover, some people call this hour "ungodly". Its definitely not "ungodly" for the people in the US! So, maybe the God of the US is different from the God in India. Hmm.. looks like its true. The God of the US gives people more money and the God of India gives you mroe culture and tradition. Hmm.. The US God seems to be giving more "mission-critical" blessings to their people. I'm going nuts....

Albert Einstein

This photo deserves to be here.

Fortunately, I wasn't around when he was alive.

If Einstein looked straight into my eyes, I would core dump.

What's the point?

Shanmu’s recent blog touched me. Touched a hot, inflammated, infected and dreadfully painful spot in me. My heart.

For the past 2 years, my life has been a mess. No, not the mess you might be thinking of. It has actually been good. Tasty food, air-conditioned office, a nice activa that takes me around the city, good money, and as a top up, a US trip. Cool. But now that I have booked a house, I was diverted from my blissful journey to this treacherous dump. On introspection, I should say my life has been perfect, but perfect only from a blissfully ignorant buffalo’s stand-point.

Didn’t get it? Let me explain. What all ambitions does a hyderabadi buffalo have? Eat a lot of junk, laze in the middle of the highway, enrage a few people like my old boss, f*** someone nice, give birth to a little one, and die under the wheels of a Hyderabad MMTS train on its inauguration run. See, this is “not” a typical buffalo’s life. Its life had a little color in it. It’s not commonplace for a buffalo to succeed in slowing down a speeding car driven by a very special person. It’s a unique blessing bestowed by God, like my US trip. Secondly, not all buffalos get mowed by Hyderabad MMTS trains on their inauguration ceremony. It’s gotta be a special occasion, like the way I’ll one day die.

If you have been reading the above paragraph carefully, you should have noticed the point I’ve been trying to drive home. If it makes no sense, please press Ctrl-F4 and get out.

I understand that it is important to introspect one’s life and to analyze how one has led it so far. That’s generally used to improve upon the next introspection period. But just imagine the plight of a person who sees a grinning buffalo when he tries to visualize his life!

After two years of living a buffalo’s life, with some silly success under the arm-pits, the future looks bleak. I have learnt nothing in the past two years and I am totally unsure what to do. I have no interest in anything and I have no passion of any sort. I am just a floating twig in a pond. Riding the waves when there’s some wind and sitting still when there’s no wind.

According to Vivekananda and Gita, two epics in Indian history and culture, one has to aim high and yet, have no attachment to success. That’s another way of asking you not to get depressed if you don’t reach it. What’s the point fighting to reach your aim, when you are not passionate about reaching it? Like in the matrix, what the Oracle says is just what you ought to know, and might not be the whole truth. Like wise, looks like the philosophers who have been endeavoring to spread the meaning of life to the masses, actually manipulated the truth and told us what we ought to know, so that we don’t get depressed at the end. But the actual truth could as well be, that life is pointless.